goodfellow

"Well I confess I wasn't there," Robin said. "But the torture was real, at least. It made him quite mad. For a very long time. Still comes out every once in a while."

"Sounds dangerous, Robin," Fin noted, concern creasing his features as he paused to sip his drink.

"Yes," Robin said, seeing no point in denying it. "He threatened to cut my dick off once. Though that was... gosh, almost half a decade ago. Still, I do a lot of dangerous things. And I've certainly had more dangerous lovers."

Fin visibly winced at that, the thought of that sort of violence making his stomach turn.

"Like who?" he asked quietly.

Robin looked at him for a second. "This is upsetting you," he said, a touch of surprise in his voice. "There's no need to talk about it."

"It- Well yeah, of course it upsets me," Fin replied, stubbing out his cigarette. "I don't like thinking about people hurting you. ...I'm not judging though. I mean- Maybe you like it, or... Or, like, sometimes you don't really have a say, right? Sometimes things just happen and you get on with it," he shrugged, though the way he said that last part was almost as if he was searching for reassurance himself.

Robin was quiet for a moment and then said, "I know that it's very difficult to comprehend a sense of scale when it comes to me," he said. "I can hardly do it myself, and I've lived it. But in my many, many years I've encountered many creatures far more powerful than I am. Statistically, it would be very unlikely that I'd never experienced the kinds of things I suspect you're imagining. But I can at last tell you that when it comes to when I've been hurt during sex, it's most often been with my wholehearted consent."

Fin nodded, falling silent for a long moment.

Eventually he spoke again though, wetting his lips with a nervous flick of his tongue. "But, when things like that did happen, did... Did you-"

He cut himself off, not wanting to dance around the topic. Not with Robin. It was something he didn't dare talk to Hex about, or Greg, or even Eliot, but Robin, he thought, might be safe ground.

"In navigating this new life I've encountered some people who just expect certain things, and based on what I learned about the other Fin, I know it would be out of character to decline now. ...When declining is even an option. So... I'm getting on with it, but- How did you manage after? Assuming we're talking about the same sort of thing, I mean. Because I'm not certain that I really am. ... Managing, that is," he finished awkwardly.

Robin's first instinct was to tell him to never do anything he didn't want to do, and to kill anyone who forced him, or at least let someone liked Robin do it after. But he knew that wasn't what Fin was asking.

So this wasn't really the advice he wanted to give, but Robin hesitated and then said, "Sometimes it is possible to think of your body as just a body. It can help with pain, too. Torture. But after... there is magic that can rid you of memories, but I don't recommend it. You need to understand the pain in order to heal. And to help you resist in the future."

"Is that what you did?" the fae asked, trying to ask in a way that didn't force Rob to share more than he wanted to.

Robin tried to think of something that might be helpful, but not upset Fin more, and also not dredge up too many bad memories.

"Lots of creatures don't like pucks," Robin said after a moment. "And often for very good reasons. A minor god once mistook me for one of my kin. Stole my voice so I couldn't talk - which, let me tell you, is torture enough for me. Also meant I couldn't inform him of his mistake. He enjoyed breaking me down. It was... well, I've had many, many days in my life. These three I will never forget." Even now, just thinking about it was making him feel a little queasy. "When he finally realized his mistake, he left me with a witch to wipe my memory. I begged her not to. Everything that happens to us, we learn from. I learned something. It wasn't easy to get over, but I still didn't want to lose that."

Fin moved closer, slipping one arm lightly around Rob and burying his face against the other man's neck. He didn't speak for a long moment, certain nothing he could say would be enough. So he was simply there, close, embracing him.

"I don't want to forget," he admitted finally. "I don't think I do, anyway. It's not... It's nothing like that. Nothing like what you're describing. Not that vivid, not that cruel. I know it's doing something to me though. People are starting to notice, I think, and I know I can't tell most of them what happened. They'll want blood, and it's just- It's not that simple, you know?"

Hex had certainly noticed he wasn't eating, as had Greg. At first it had just been a side effect of his medication, but now- Nnow it was like a strange game he was playing with himself. A way to exert control over his body.

"You're alright though, you've survived. That gives me hope."

Tilting his head, he kissed Robin's cheek.

"It's not fair you have to carry that pain. You deserve light and joy."

"There are good and bad things about being very old," Robin told him. "One is that what they say about pain fading over time is true."

He put a hand on Fin's leg and squeezed gently. "You know I would help you however I can. And if you tell me that hurting people who hurt you is not on the table, that's fine."

"I don't think there's anything to be done," Fin admitted. "It's just this producer on my show. American twat. Knows I can't turn him down, not if I want to keep my job. So he- He just expects my company sometimes. I keep thinking he'll lose interest, but he hasn't yet," Fin admitted, nuzzling at Robin's shoulder again.

"Let's go back inside. It's cold out here," he said softly.

"We don't have to talk about this right now," Robin said. "But you probably already know what I'd say. Call his bluff. If you lose your job, there will be more."

He stood, and held out his hand to Fin to bring him back inside.

Fin took the offered hand and followed, feeling a bit lighter now. Nothing had changed or been made better, but hearing Robin's own tale, sharing his in return- It made him feel less alone. Less trapped in his own head.

Robin closed the door behind them and the room immediately warmed. He leaned in and kissed Fin. "We certainly don't have to keep going if you don't want to," he said.

"I want to," Fin assured him, savoring the taste of Robin on his lips. "Unless I've killed the mood. I'd understand if you needed to stop. What you shared was a lot," he added gently.

“No,” Robin said hastily. “No, if you’re willing, I’d... no, you didn’t kill the mood.” And he kissed him again, this time with more heat, and uncinched Fin’s robe.

The kiss was a relief. Too often Fin struggled with over sharing or just simply talking too much in general. For Robin to just let it be- It felt like mercy.

Chasing the kiss, Fin moaned against Robin's lips.

When the kids finally broke, Robin said quietly, “I’d like it if you choose what we do next... four down.”

Given the conversation moments before, Robin would feel more comfortable if Fin had explicit control over what was happening for a bit.

Fin nodded in understanding, tugging lightly on the loose knot that held Robin's robe closed. For all the darker fantasies he entertained, for all the complex wants and dreams he had, sometimes what Fin wanted most was just a simple moment of intimacy.

Wrapping his fingers around the other man's cock, he started to stroke him lightly, right there where they stood. Like this, face to face, it was just them and nothing more. Fin just hoped that Robin wouldn't find it too boring or precious.

A soft "Oh," escaped Robin's lips as he resisted the urge to close his eyes and just watched Fin instead. He was getting hard again.

Fin blushed a bit, but smiled as he stepped closer, leaning against Robin slightly as he stroked him.

"Is that good?" he asked softly. "Is it alright?"

"Oh it's more than all right," Robin sighed. He put a hand on Fin's waist to help steady himself. "I want to do this for you, too, you know. Make you come until you can't stand it anymore."

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